When you want intimacy, but end up with dating
Sometimes it seems to me that dating is an attempt to reach a living person through the noise. Through correspondence, profiles, millions of "hellos", dozens of coincidences. Everyone seems to be nearby - and at the same time, everyone seems to be in different worlds. Everyone writes, looks, answers, but it seems like they are not quite here. You go to the site https://www.sofiadate.com/dating-advice/when-the-sex-stops-in-your-relationship not out of boredom. But because you want it. You want someone to appear in your life and stay. For them to write to you not because they have nothing better to do, but because you are interesting. Warm. Alive. Because they want to communicate with you not out of politeness, but because they are truly drawn to you.
What happened to romance?
Romance seems to have gone offline. Where there is a smell, a voice, a pause between words. And dating is more of a template: the same phrases, the same dialogues, the same photos. We repeat, repeat, repeat - in the hope that this time everything will be different. Sometimes - it really is different. But more often - it's just similar again.
We have forgotten how to be surprised. We have learned to evaluate: by bio, by appearance, by style of speech. We need to understand everything quickly: will it suit us - will it not suit us. But intimacy does not like haste. It is revealed not in a profile, but in silence next to another person, when you can say nothing - and be heard.
Why do we get tired?
Not because dating is evil. But because we too often set a goal in it: to find someone. And we forget about the process. We want to quickly "into a couple", "into a relationship", "into love" - and do not notice that we ourselves do not know who we are when we love. What is important to us? What is unacceptable? Where does vulnerability come from? Where do we want to grow?
And also — because we have not been chosen many times. Or chosen, but not for long. Or chosen, but in their own way, without seeing the real us. And then each new attempt becomes work. Going to meet is an effort. Opening up is a risk. Hoping is almost stupid.
What helps?
Not expecting a miracle. Not in the sense of disappointment, but in the sense of not thinking that dating is obliged to “work”. It is only a space. And not a guarantee.
Be honest. Yes, you want to be “interesting”, “easy”, “inspiring”. But in the long run, it is not the one who makes an impression who wins, but the one who is real.
Be able to finish. Not yours — and that’s okay. Without guilt. Without “you should have tried harder”. Sometimes a mismatch is honesty, not a defeat.
Don’t turn dating into a goal. When you live an interesting life, when you feel good without someone — then attraction appears in you. Not a game, not a mask, not a hook. But natural warmth.
And also - allow yourself not to know
You don't have to know if you're ready for a relationship. You can try, retreat, go again. There is no weakness in this. This is the normal movement of a living person. Dating is not an exam. Not a competition. It's just a meeting. And a meeting can be unexpected. Awkward. Simple. Different. And this is its strength.
You don't lose if you haven't found anyone. You win if you haven't lost yourself in this search.
And love?
It is not hidden in algorithms. It does not live in ideal profiles. It does not arise from the fact that you both love the same music. It happens when two people are truly close. Not playing. Not afraid to be vulnerable. Not demanding. Just being.
And you suddenly feel: you are calm. You are interested. You feel good. Not because of the status. Not because of "coincidences". But because you are real. Together. As equals.